16 and Pregnant........

Not me but the show.
I love love love LOVE that show. But at the same time I cant help but either cry or feel depressed after each and every episode. Each episode focus's on one teen as the weeks approach in the lead up to the birth of their baby, they focus on the economic pressure,the struggle to have still ahve a normal teen life, the strain teen pregnancy on a family and the most common problem,the babydaddys,who are ALL asswholes bar Tyler.
From the general outlook most of these teen girls became pregnant because they and their boyfriends did not practice safe sex. The same excuses keeps coming up because NONE of them took any precautions what so ever! Dumb idea yes. Do I feel bad for them on that issue? No.
But what I do feel bad about is the lack of support emotionally that these girls recieve from their parents,school friends and boyfriends.

First im going to rant about the babydaddys. MY GOD they are the most selfish,irresponcible,inconsiderate, self-centered little shits ive ever come across. And the vast majority of them leave by the end of the episode.
Example one, the one I hate the most
season 2 episode 2 : Nikkis story, her boyfriend Josh is the most childish dickhead Ive ever seen in my life. First off,when nikki told him she was pregnant, he told her to abort it,he broke up with her,then started dating someone new. He then went back to nikki and became a control freak who wanted to have nikki all to himself.
He ordered her to leave her prom early so they could spend time together,but when she was waiting in the parking lot of her prom for him, he was no where to be found,so she walked home,pregnant and in her promdress!
It gets worse.
In the delivery room, Josh keeps complaining that hes tired whilst Nikki is in labour, at point one he actually complains that he wants chinese! Nikki is in serious pain at this stage,crying her eyes out to which Josh casually says 'i dont know what the big deal is,im pretty sure a guys pain threshold is SUPER high than a womans' ehhhhhh EXCUSE ME???? what a retard!!!
Soft spoken Nikki cant do anything about the situation as it escalades with Josh starting a fight with Nikkis mom telling her to back off and that he is number one in Nikkis life and that she is 'just number 2'. At this point he gets a mouthful from his own mom and Nikkis mom. He then walks out in a selfish rage leaving nikki while shes in the midsts of labour. He eventually comes back for the full delivery while nikki gives birth to their baby son Lyle( who unfortunetly is the spitting image of his asswhole dad)
After a month,Nikkis back in school balencing work and the baby. Nikki then hears rumors that Josh is cheating on her and seeing his ex behind her back(which turns out to be true), Josh then breaks up with Nikki in a resteraunt leaving Nikki to take Lyle home by herself in tears :(

I just cant find the words to describe how much I wanna deck that little piece of crap Josh. I really hope Nikki and her son are happy without Josh in their lives.

Thankfully not all the guys are idiots. Mainly Tyler from Catelynns episode in season one. Catelynn and Tyler both grew up in unstable homes and theyve been together since middle school. The only thing is that Tyler Dad and Catelynns mom ended up falling in love,and getting married after catelynn and tyler started going out.So in a way Tyler and Catelynn are related by marrige. Tylers dad is not good news, he has been in and out of Tylers life becuase he has spent most of Tylers life in Jail so the father-son realtionship is extremely strained. When Catelynn finds out shes pregnant, herself and Tyler make the MAJOR decision to put the baby up for adoption. They decided it would be the most loving thing to do,as the household they lived in was not the ideal environment to raise a baby both emotionally and finacially with tyler and Catelynn still being in school,not being able to work,and a 'grandfather' whos in and out of jail.

They both go through a very painful time in comeing to terms with the fact their giving up their baby daughter,and that they will have a limited part of her life. They find a couple they would like to raise there child and agree to a semi-open adoption. The adoptive parents will send pictures and letters and news to Tyler and Catelynn and they will only be able to visit twice a year. But Tyler and catelynn dont know the surname of the couple or where they live.
Its heartbreaking as Catelynn gives birth to their daughter Carly and she and tyler start crying becasue they dont want to hold the baby for fear of becoming attached.They hand over the baby to the adoptive parents on hosptial grounds, and I cried so much as Catelynn and tyler cried over the loss of their daughter Carly,but they did it in her best interests so she could lead a better life that they cant provide. Tyler kept Carlys baby blanket,one of the only things they have to remind them of Carly for the time being.
Thankfully these two are still going strong, and are dealing well with the adoption. They are the sweetst couple you could ever possibly come across,especially since their home lives are not stable at all.

Its a really good show with a lot of stories about teen life,and the struggles of being pregnant and having a baby when your still just a teenager in school.
Seriously,watch this show.

LockDown

Im starting to realise how crappy it is when ur on ur own and u dont have a car for the evenings.

The added factor that the weaters being pretty depressing does NOT help.


grrrrr

Lets go back to 15

Oh My god

I found my old diary today,well actually two old diraies,and Im glad I did because if anyone else had found these they would have hit the jackpot.
Jesus,I wrote quite a lot. I forgot how much I actually enjoy writing with AN ACTUAL PEN AND PAPER if it doesnt involve doing an essay for college.
Yeah I was one of those teens who had to wrote down all my sloppy feeling and things :p I took out a lot of tears and anger in those diaries,awww the memories. As im redaing through them I just keep laughing more and more at how freaking naive I have been in the past.

Talking about friends, and fighting with friends, going through that phase where your family doesnt 'understand' you, boys that I liked, boys who made me cry,boys who broke my heart(or what it seemed like at the time) summer days in the park, youth club trips. I gave out a lot about school for some reason, I used to get quite frustrated with teachers from time to time for acting like jerks. Theres a few paticular people who keep croppping up in the diraies who im glad to say are all still very much apart of my life :)
Theres an awful amount of girly hormones aswell from the way I wrote things. Sometimes I would be really angry or upset or excited and Id write just a short little entry trying to explain what was going on, I can tell from my handwriting that I was rushing them cos its all scribbly.

I LOVVVVEE the fact I was quite good at it aswell I have to say. Its really nice to remember small details like a joke I had heard that day, or If I thought a certain guy was a good kisser or a song that me and my friends had become obsessed with but I wouldnt give it a second thought if I heard it today. The diraies go up as far as TY I think, I kind of stopped after that,it seemed kinda childish after that to keep writing in a diary, but im really glad I did actually write all my memories and feelings.
But sure here, im still doing it(just not in an overly-personal way as the diray) My blog is the more 'grown-up' version of the diary.Funny how some things dont really change that much.

xoxoxoxo

A sex and the city overkill

I cant believe im saying this but..........




I need to stop watching Sex and the City


within the last 3days I have become soooooooo unbelieveably cynical its making me feel ill.

Smile like it doesnt matter

And it aint that bad!

Ive been very bad with the blogging lately,probs due to do with the fact ive been busy moving back home to ros,helping sortin out my fams holiday and trying desperetly to find a J.O.B

So all ive been doing is some major chilling out,putting my bedroom back together piece by piece and adding more stuff to my bare walls,visiting my granny for a sly panini and doing the soul destroying jobsearch. Never wanted to get out of the country more than now!
Also went to gig in the meltin pot satuday night. John's band Jessies Revenge were playing,also my cousin Benjemen was playing in his band before them,ben plays bass and hes pretty damm good I have to say so I was there cheering him on and embaressing him with my screams,thats what familys for! Was a good night,the cafe was a sweat box,brian was very drunk and i got to see liane for the first time in ages and meet her lovely boyfy Pa!
Jessies Revenge was savage I have to say,they played a great set and did and encore.
John was alright. I joke he was great,as were gerard,richard,ryan and kieran.

So im currently proped up in bed with what looks like pink-eye (its not pink eye i just left my mascara on last night and the result is very sore eyes,NOT pink-eye!!!) so im just chilling out with a cup of tea,my laptop and basement jaxx blastin out from my ipod :) I love saturday mornings!
I dont wanna move from my bed
Its raining drips and draps outside,so its not putting me in a get-up get-dressed kinda mood :/ im thinking a pyjama day is ahead of me,im going to have to get up at some point. Im SUPPOSED to be going out tonight in ros,i'll go to the pub for a bit, but rockfords does NOT sound promiseing cos apparently there going all 'posh' and having stilt walkers ,fire breathers,podium dancers and a vip area. Yes im being serious.
Come on like. Thats a disaster waiting to happen.

Im also torn about Pony Kids on wednesday,not only do I have ZERO moneyz to be spending on transport and drink in dublin but the money I do have is supposed to help me survive the next 2weeks at home. ANYONE WANNA DRIVE UP AND I'LL PAY 4U IN2 PONY KIDS!!???
ha,im putting it out ther.
why why why why do train tickets etc etc have to cost 24euros!!! i cud easily put that money to good use in the form of alcohol!!! This is exactly why I need a job.
Is theres a saint you can pray to for employment? If so I think I just turned catholic again.

xoxoxo

Settlin down

Before you even take it the wrong way.NO

Im quite unhappy to report that Im now back in roscommon. The reason why Im unhappy? No job,no money and no plans. Also im suffering severe Roebuck withdrawel symptoms.

Woke up on thursday mouring with a heavy heart and a weird feeling in my stomach as I looked around my room for the last time.
I had spent the night previously packing my clothes,books and everything I possibly own into bags.The worst was taking all my photos down because then the room looked really bare and it kinda hammered the final nail in the coffin to say that first year was over. I didnt like waking up to basically my life packed in bags and ready to go,it felt very very weird not at all like the excitment I experienced when I was packing to leave roscommon waaay back in september to move to dublin.
For those of you who may think Im being dramatic,you actually dont know the first thing about my life in the last 9-10months. I really did grow to love dublin,ucd,the people I lived with and the people around me. When you move away from your family,you really do have to start making a life for yourself outside of the protective blanket of cotton wool you have been growing up in for the last 18 or 19 years. And thats exactly what I did, I detatched myself from the life I had at home and learned to adapt to the surroundings and situations that I had found myself in.

Its just something we all have to do at one point of another.
Some people find it harder to do than others and like to still hold onto that little piece of the place they used to call home,and thats totally fine. But im the type of person who just wanted to let go of that. In a way its made moving back to roscommon a bit depressing,but I still have fantastic friends who mean the world to me,who live here in roscommon and Im grateful I get to spend time with them for the summer.
And im not goona lie,its reallllllllly nice to have food made for me for a while now :)

I know it will start all over again when we're all packing up in August to go back to college,But for now I gotta relax and enjoy the next 3months and see what happens. Hopefully a good paying job :P

xoxoxo

Last week

I had exams,

this week im FREEEEEE!!!!!!
but sadly this also means the time has come to move back home to roscommon :(
Im not looking forward to this at all. Number one i dont have a job.Number two, Id much rather consistantly stab myself in the eye than be forced to be in the same breathing space as certain people I strongly dislike.Number three, NOTHING exciting ever happens in roscommon,FACT! and number Four,what bloody chance do I have of sorting my head out and figuring out what I want in life if im stuck in the dead end town that is ros.
Seriously need to either emigrate for the summer or try to grin and bear this unfortunate situation,cos Im unemployed, not doing the J1 and Have no money to make plans for summer. If I could just be shipped off to a different country with lots of forgein food,sexy boys and a beach with a bar that has a 2for1 drinks promo that I could work in then Id be such a happy camper.
but I live in reality
Reality bites.

Look all I really need is a JOB!! The rest will sort itself out in time.

Ive started to clean out my room in Roebuck,its REALLY depressing :( Have loadsa cool memories from here and my room looks quite bare as I start to take down my photos and stuff, it kinda makes it all real now. The most depressing has to be Jennifer and rebeccas living room in merville,they took down all the posters from nights out and You actually want to cry when you walk in!The walls are now bare and it just doesnt have that homely,fun feeling about it anymore :( Thankfully they havent taken down the twister mats and ''the wall' yet, thats going to be the worst part. I have to pack up more clothes and throw out old magazines that have just been gathering dust. Oh and if the R.A's arent bitchy enough.....
Last night,one of the soundest girls you could meet and a really nice R.A was supposed to have a party to celebrate her last ever week in college. In typical style,two of the bitchyest R.A's namely m.k and scottish bitch,decided to make her life shit and tell her she couldnt have the party,even though a lot of people were going and it wouldnt even be that bad because it was in an R.A's apartment! Our R.A friend was really annoyed,poor girl just wanted to have some fun on her last week,so as a result shes left Roebuck early cos they are such tight gits.
And they evicted 6 of the lads today!!!! Like come on its the last bloody week of college! We watched the lads this morn as they packed up there stuff into their cars and left. Fuck you Roebuck. After all the money we payed for this place and you still treated us like CHILDREN and not residents all year long.

Jennifer is leaving UCD today :( Pity she cant stay longer,rorys leaving aswell and trevors gone already,he was greatly missed last night,the lads started singing his little song ''trev likes to party,trev likes trev likes to party'' ahhhhh

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO END!!!!?????? :(
major sadness this week

xooxoxox