Lets go back to 15

Oh My god

I found my old diary today,well actually two old diraies,and Im glad I did because if anyone else had found these they would have hit the jackpot.
Jesus,I wrote quite a lot. I forgot how much I actually enjoy writing with AN ACTUAL PEN AND PAPER if it doesnt involve doing an essay for college.
Yeah I was one of those teens who had to wrote down all my sloppy feeling and things :p I took out a lot of tears and anger in those diaries,awww the memories. As im redaing through them I just keep laughing more and more at how freaking naive I have been in the past.

Talking about friends, and fighting with friends, going through that phase where your family doesnt 'understand' you, boys that I liked, boys who made me cry,boys who broke my heart(or what it seemed like at the time) summer days in the park, youth club trips. I gave out a lot about school for some reason, I used to get quite frustrated with teachers from time to time for acting like jerks. Theres a few paticular people who keep croppping up in the diraies who im glad to say are all still very much apart of my life :)
Theres an awful amount of girly hormones aswell from the way I wrote things. Sometimes I would be really angry or upset or excited and Id write just a short little entry trying to explain what was going on, I can tell from my handwriting that I was rushing them cos its all scribbly.

I LOVVVVEE the fact I was quite good at it aswell I have to say. Its really nice to remember small details like a joke I had heard that day, or If I thought a certain guy was a good kisser or a song that me and my friends had become obsessed with but I wouldnt give it a second thought if I heard it today. The diraies go up as far as TY I think, I kind of stopped after that,it seemed kinda childish after that to keep writing in a diary, but im really glad I did actually write all my memories and feelings.
But sure here, im still doing it(just not in an overly-personal way as the diray) My blog is the more 'grown-up' version of the diary.Funny how some things dont really change that much.

xoxoxoxo

A sex and the city overkill

I cant believe im saying this but..........




I need to stop watching Sex and the City


within the last 3days I have become soooooooo unbelieveably cynical its making me feel ill.

Smile like it doesnt matter

And it aint that bad!

Ive been very bad with the blogging lately,probs due to do with the fact ive been busy moving back home to ros,helping sortin out my fams holiday and trying desperetly to find a J.O.B

So all ive been doing is some major chilling out,putting my bedroom back together piece by piece and adding more stuff to my bare walls,visiting my granny for a sly panini and doing the soul destroying jobsearch. Never wanted to get out of the country more than now!
Also went to gig in the meltin pot satuday night. John's band Jessies Revenge were playing,also my cousin Benjemen was playing in his band before them,ben plays bass and hes pretty damm good I have to say so I was there cheering him on and embaressing him with my screams,thats what familys for! Was a good night,the cafe was a sweat box,brian was very drunk and i got to see liane for the first time in ages and meet her lovely boyfy Pa!
Jessies Revenge was savage I have to say,they played a great set and did and encore.
John was alright. I joke he was great,as were gerard,richard,ryan and kieran.

So im currently proped up in bed with what looks like pink-eye (its not pink eye i just left my mascara on last night and the result is very sore eyes,NOT pink-eye!!!) so im just chilling out with a cup of tea,my laptop and basement jaxx blastin out from my ipod :) I love saturday mornings!
I dont wanna move from my bed
Its raining drips and draps outside,so its not putting me in a get-up get-dressed kinda mood :/ im thinking a pyjama day is ahead of me,im going to have to get up at some point. Im SUPPOSED to be going out tonight in ros,i'll go to the pub for a bit, but rockfords does NOT sound promiseing cos apparently there going all 'posh' and having stilt walkers ,fire breathers,podium dancers and a vip area. Yes im being serious.
Come on like. Thats a disaster waiting to happen.

Im also torn about Pony Kids on wednesday,not only do I have ZERO moneyz to be spending on transport and drink in dublin but the money I do have is supposed to help me survive the next 2weeks at home. ANYONE WANNA DRIVE UP AND I'LL PAY 4U IN2 PONY KIDS!!???
ha,im putting it out ther.
why why why why do train tickets etc etc have to cost 24euros!!! i cud easily put that money to good use in the form of alcohol!!! This is exactly why I need a job.
Is theres a saint you can pray to for employment? If so I think I just turned catholic again.

xoxoxo

Settlin down

Before you even take it the wrong way.NO

Im quite unhappy to report that Im now back in roscommon. The reason why Im unhappy? No job,no money and no plans. Also im suffering severe Roebuck withdrawel symptoms.

Woke up on thursday mouring with a heavy heart and a weird feeling in my stomach as I looked around my room for the last time.
I had spent the night previously packing my clothes,books and everything I possibly own into bags.The worst was taking all my photos down because then the room looked really bare and it kinda hammered the final nail in the coffin to say that first year was over. I didnt like waking up to basically my life packed in bags and ready to go,it felt very very weird not at all like the excitment I experienced when I was packing to leave roscommon waaay back in september to move to dublin.
For those of you who may think Im being dramatic,you actually dont know the first thing about my life in the last 9-10months. I really did grow to love dublin,ucd,the people I lived with and the people around me. When you move away from your family,you really do have to start making a life for yourself outside of the protective blanket of cotton wool you have been growing up in for the last 18 or 19 years. And thats exactly what I did, I detatched myself from the life I had at home and learned to adapt to the surroundings and situations that I had found myself in.

Its just something we all have to do at one point of another.
Some people find it harder to do than others and like to still hold onto that little piece of the place they used to call home,and thats totally fine. But im the type of person who just wanted to let go of that. In a way its made moving back to roscommon a bit depressing,but I still have fantastic friends who mean the world to me,who live here in roscommon and Im grateful I get to spend time with them for the summer.
And im not goona lie,its reallllllllly nice to have food made for me for a while now :)

I know it will start all over again when we're all packing up in August to go back to college,But for now I gotta relax and enjoy the next 3months and see what happens. Hopefully a good paying job :P

xoxoxo

Last week

I had exams,

this week im FREEEEEE!!!!!!
but sadly this also means the time has come to move back home to roscommon :(
Im not looking forward to this at all. Number one i dont have a job.Number two, Id much rather consistantly stab myself in the eye than be forced to be in the same breathing space as certain people I strongly dislike.Number three, NOTHING exciting ever happens in roscommon,FACT! and number Four,what bloody chance do I have of sorting my head out and figuring out what I want in life if im stuck in the dead end town that is ros.
Seriously need to either emigrate for the summer or try to grin and bear this unfortunate situation,cos Im unemployed, not doing the J1 and Have no money to make plans for summer. If I could just be shipped off to a different country with lots of forgein food,sexy boys and a beach with a bar that has a 2for1 drinks promo that I could work in then Id be such a happy camper.
but I live in reality
Reality bites.

Look all I really need is a JOB!! The rest will sort itself out in time.

Ive started to clean out my room in Roebuck,its REALLY depressing :( Have loadsa cool memories from here and my room looks quite bare as I start to take down my photos and stuff, it kinda makes it all real now. The most depressing has to be Jennifer and rebeccas living room in merville,they took down all the posters from nights out and You actually want to cry when you walk in!The walls are now bare and it just doesnt have that homely,fun feeling about it anymore :( Thankfully they havent taken down the twister mats and ''the wall' yet, thats going to be the worst part. I have to pack up more clothes and throw out old magazines that have just been gathering dust. Oh and if the R.A's arent bitchy enough.....
Last night,one of the soundest girls you could meet and a really nice R.A was supposed to have a party to celebrate her last ever week in college. In typical style,two of the bitchyest R.A's namely m.k and scottish bitch,decided to make her life shit and tell her she couldnt have the party,even though a lot of people were going and it wouldnt even be that bad because it was in an R.A's apartment! Our R.A friend was really annoyed,poor girl just wanted to have some fun on her last week,so as a result shes left Roebuck early cos they are such tight gits.
And they evicted 6 of the lads today!!!! Like come on its the last bloody week of college! We watched the lads this morn as they packed up there stuff into their cars and left. Fuck you Roebuck. After all the money we payed for this place and you still treated us like CHILDREN and not residents all year long.

Jennifer is leaving UCD today :( Pity she cant stay longer,rorys leaving aswell and trevors gone already,he was greatly missed last night,the lads started singing his little song ''trev likes to party,trev likes trev likes to party'' ahhhhh

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO END!!!!?????? :(
major sadness this week

xooxoxox

Also...

I have to figure out a way of picking out 2 oufits in between study ,
they must be fit for church attendance but still show a bitta leg and are enough to make me feel real fergalicious--thats got to be the most retarded word ive ever used.

damm

Almost there

Finally its the day before my last exam,relief!

To be frank, the last 2-3weeks have been probably some of the worst Ive experienced both academically,emotionally and physically in the past 9months of college. The build up to exams really did build me up into a paniced frenzy,this added with other issues has not helped in keeping me calm within the last month. I swore to myself after my 2 exams on saturday that I would never let myself get into this state ever again.
I honestly do worry waaaay too much about insignificant things and insignificant people, and thats one of the things Im going to work on during the summer, I need some serious chill time!

Other than that I feel awful because of the lack of contact Ive had with people over the last month,totally my fault of course,when I get stressed about something coming up, I just shut everyone out until its over. Its hard to explain but its the only way I can get work done and 'get in the zone' as it were.( I get way too easily distracted unless I shut everything out!) Thats how I work,I give it my all.

So hopefully when papyrus to cyberspace is over 2morow my life will start to find normality again. Kinda will be hard to do this weekend, as its going to be a busy one!
As soon as my exam is finished I gotta get a train back to roscommon.My sisters Confirmation if on the friday,then we have to go for dinner,then we're going to our ballet schools website launch, then saturday is my brothers communion!(yeah mad I know) so we gotta go to the church,and back to our house for food and the party.Apparently a lot of my family are coming down for the weekend so my house is going to be a mad house for 3 days. Theres also the possibility I might have to give up my bed,anyone wanna offer theres? haha
Only thing thats making up for it is the BOUNCY OBSTACLE COURSE!!!! :D which will hopefully be in our back garden on saturday.

I will refrain from making an eejit of myself............until the kids are gone! ha.

So right now im drilling as much notes into my head as humanly possible in the hope I never have to do another information studies module for as long as I live!
It really is that boreing.
Im actually dieing for 2pm tommorow, SUMMER '10 BRING IT ON!!!!!

xoxoxox

Sunday afternoon,cuppa tea,PostSecret

Below is my absolute favorite.

Needless to say

i was going to write something, then it got deleted


stupid blogger.

Rant

exams please go DIE


seriously


tired,cranky,annoyed,moody,emotional,recked,ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY
Stupid
naive
pushover
weak
gullible

FED UP OF ALL THE BULLS%#T

im so unbelievebly tired of it all
keeping these words in my head ''it will all end soon''

Lucozade is my drug

and skittles are my saviour

in case u cant tell its exam time.
This week is going to be HORRIBLE.
Exam thursday and two on SATURDAY!!

I got my ass down to the library at 8.50am and stayed there till 3pm
6hours of continuous Literature and Context.
Yes im tired
I had only 3hours sleep last night,worrying about people. Then I woke up in a cold sweat at the thought of failing.
You may be thinking ''pppffft you think thats hardcore study??You think you got it bad?''
Screw you,Im only little, im mentally,physically and emotionally exhausted.
The only thing I take comfort in, is that im not the only one and that we're all working our asses off.
I sugar crashed about 3 times.
It wasnt fun.
Checking out all the hot med guys kept me alive though.

Now to repeat again. I hate college right now

Gerry Ryan RIP

I know i Havent blogged in short while but I think today calls for a tribute to one of Irelands most beloved broadcasters.

Yesterday afternoon,a little after lunch time, the news broke over the web that Gerry Ryan had died. At first I thought it was some kind of joke or rumor gone wrong,but as I heard my roomates in my apartment also discovering the news it became apparent that this was no joke.
Gerry Ryan had passed away.
I was in shock and confusion,most like the majority of Ireland when the news started to sink in. It was just so out of the blue, my first immediate thoughts were his family.His children. They had just lost their father, and as they had once called him, their best friend.

Gerry was a very talented man. To be quite honest he has been the voice of Irish Radio for many many years. He pushed the boundaries of broadcasting with questionable topics that other radio presenters were too afraid to cover. He swore,he drank, he laughed, he mocked,he cared.
For many people in Ireland Gerry was the start to their day. He talked as if he was talking to his friends and left no issue off the cards. He poured his heart and soul into his job and even revealed some personal experiences to help feel a bit more closer to the irish public.
Above all Gerry was a friend to everyone.
Anyone who listened to his radio show,could feel that warmth and friendlyness that poured from his voice. Mornings will NEVER be the same without him.

In my family, ever since I was younger,it was always gerrys show that was put on in the mornings. wether it was my mother,my granny or my grandad,someone always had his show playing in our house. Mam never fully liked him, she had once worked in a bar in Dublin and had served Gerry when he was a lot younger, and said she thought he thought of himself as a big shot. But she admitted,from his radio show it sounded like he had changed his attitude since then(marrige,mortgages and children do this according to her!)

My mum wasnt the only one to have had words with gerry in my family. I did aswell :)
Waaaaaaaay back in 2007 when I was in TY and i wasnt afraid to run my mouth. I had rolled outta bed and turned on the radio to hear some woman on gerrys show talking about TY and Work experience, she seemed to strongly believe that work experience MUST be based on what career you want. I thought she was talking crap,as I had just done my W.E and thought how the hell was a 16year old supposed to know what to do with their life?? So I text the station giving my view, 10 minutes later I get a call from RTE asking me would I be willing to speak to Gerry on the show about my view?
Of course I said yes, and within the next 5 minutes I heard a ''helloooo robynn!! good morning to you!''
I was aware I was on national radio at that moment so tried to keep cool, so I explained to Gerry how I Felt about TY,work Experience and how I didnt think it was fair that Teenagers are expected to know what they want to be at such a young age.
Gerry was lovely,and asked all the right questions and laughed here and there when I said something teenagery. But he asked what I wanted to be and where I wanted to go to college and what will I be doing for the rest of TY. It was quite bizzare,I felt like i really was talking to a friend on the phone,completely forgetting that half the nation were tuned in.
Anyone else whose ever been on his show will say the exact same thing.
We finished up our converssation with gerry wishing my the best of luck in future,and telling me he had no doubt I would get on well in life, no matter what path I chose, Which was nice for an adult to tell a naive,mouthy 16 year old.
Gerry seemed to like me( or find me highly opinionated)as my convo with him ended up in his Saturday picks where he re-ran the best bits of the week. Cheers Gerry.

So now the big guy at RTE is no longer with us. Irish Radio is going to change, but no one will ever be able to fill gerrys shoes.Its a sad fact that we wont hear that cheery,comforting voice in the mornings anymore.If I were you id go listen to a few of his shows,just for fun,even If u never listened to him that much give it a shot and then you'll know what im talking about when I say that Ireland has lost a dear friend.

RIP xoxoxoxo